Best Tweets: June 2012

June’s tweets of the month include rollypolys, fracking, angry busdrivers and even a sealed section!

Our lovers and their judgements
‘you’ve got good legs’, says @boock_unedited, running an appraising eye over me. ‘just a pity about you stomach and face’… #shopping
I have horrendous taste in men. My type is: People who like me. I should know not to get with them, look at their taste in girls. Terrible.

The Breeders
At Chipmunks with what appears to be the entire child population of Tawa. I’ve truly entered a circle of hell.
Mr 6 challenged me to do a rolly poly. He would not wait till wine o’clock. I did one. I now understand why old peoples bones break.
Oh God i just realised that when kids look at me they think I’m an adult

Stay Classy, New Zealand
Guy sitting next to me at the rugby has his iPhone sealed in a glad zip lock back… Also has a dirty mullet #betterlivingeverybody
Apparently I left the housekeys in the front door. Car still there, which means either a) Very lucky, or b) Undesirable car. Either’s good.
I wish I had a photo of myself halfway through sneezing hot chocolate out my nose.
Am contemplating buying sushi, undoing it and then redoing it so it looks home made for kids dance shared dinner. a new low.
Honestly if I had a pet turtle I’d just hold it and sob.
It is officially onesy season
The bus driver’s pausing at stops, opening the doors then shutting them before anyone walking towards the bus can reach it. I’m on his side.
William and Kate told Key that they’ll visit NZ at some point. Of course they did. As if they’d say no. John Key is our embarrassing uncle.
I just discovered my mum’s secret family recipe for Macaroni Cheese. She conveniently published it in the Edmonds Cookbook.
Seriously Twitter. I will NEVER follow Taylor Swift. Unless she gets naked. Then I will. For a bit.
Accidentally pashed a dog. Long story. Bull mastiff.

First World Problems
If I was on the voice and only Jessie J turned around I’d be like sorry I’ll try again next time.
Chased a hedgehog up someone’s driveway in the rain trying to get an instagram of it. Failed.
someone has listed a giant centipede in the Pets > Other section of trademe. not even joking.
to the person who got to my blog by searching for “sell my used panties – kerikeri”: don’t. just don’t.
Sorry? What was that? I can’t hear you over the rain hitting the windows like millions of demented moths round a lightbulb.
Doing lots of typing, deleting, not tweeting tonight.
Same pose. Every photo.
Damn it. I left my Rihanna cd near my Chris Brown cd and now it’s all scratched.

In the workplace
I don’t know why I feel uncomfortable saying “fracking” on the news, I just do.
Apparently skipping out the office door, cackling hysterically is not considered professional.
Boyfriend Boss sends email w subject ‘can you load these gorgeous?’ I cc in client on reply & neglect to change subject. SO EMBARRASSED NOW
In work toilets are you supposed to use the same cubicle each time or change it up?
Listening to my work colleague talk about how much they hate butter. So confused.

AO content!
OMFG loading a porno mag into Adobe Reader & telling it to ‘Read Out Loud’ is making me cry with laughter.
Lol. Someone on FB complaining about their kids. Females are sympathetic, male posts “should’ve swallowed”. Sorry. I did laugh at that.
“hey mum what’s a blowjob?” well that just shut the conversation down in this car…..
Paper cut from a sanitary pad wrapper. That’s a bit bloody harsh.
@meaglee, would you still go to hanmer with me if I got bikini bottoms that look like my vagina area has teeth?


Old Mout Cider


The lovely @AliCopeman drew @melhomer out of the hat, so both of you collect a cidery reward! Be sure to follow @OldMoutCider so they can sort you out.