Best Kiwi Tweets of May 2014

Compiled by Kat Jenkins

[Keep reading after Kat’s made her pick for tweet of the month because there’s a special something going on that I don’t want you to miss out on! – Cate]

Domestic gods and goddesses
@TophHooperton I fixed the dishwasher. I pulled it out of the thing and I followed the cable and I wiggled it and it works. #HellaManly
@josiecampbell Being a woman with multi-tasking abilities is awesome. I just simultaneously burned toast and let the fire go out.
@beekaynz 4pm me is super grateful to 9am me for having put dinner in the crockpot. I’m going to make 7pm me an apple crumble as a reward.

Born this way
@aberopitini I finally found the courage to ask about LGBT acceptance in China and my new friends smiled and started singing “Born This Way” and I cried.
@not_friends “Do you want me to turn on the tv?” “No I just want to stare at you. I have strong love feelings for you.” #druggedFrith

The problem with 2014
@Megapope How the hell do you put the Facebook Android feed to most recent and why can’t I explode Mark Zuckerberg with my mind?
@giselledraws The year is 2014, I’m trying to buy envelopes on the internet but can’t because I don’t have a fax machine.
@lmfbs Earlier today I mocked a colleague about having a paper dictionary. Internet went down at work so I shamefully had to ask to borrow it.
@Robbo_Junior Autocorrect and I like to play a little game called Duck Duck Fuck.
@behathrills There’s a kid in Haeata’s class called Kale. Central Auckland, we need to talk.

You can’t choose your family
@annagconnell Dad just called me a wussy liberal pinko for suggesting that someone might let him in if he put his indicator on. Gonna be a long day.
@rosieiscool Miss 9 out of bed. “I’m getting a dictionary to see what porn is” Me: >___< Sit down, I’ll explain, it’s tricky. Miss 9: OK, what’s p.a.w.n
@Tweet_Ti My husband has run out of songs to entertain our demanding child during her bath. He’s currently singing Wilson Philips “Hold On”. Badly.

@nintendoug Now my desk is clean, I’m going to have to deal to this beard. Can’t write an assignment with a shabby beard.

Gluten is still a thing
@tobiasbrockie assuming “gluten tag” is a great joke among the bakeries of germany
@mcquillanatorz My gluten-free banana loaf is many things, but “delicious” or “cooked through” or “tastes like banana” are not among those ??

Stay classy
@Vegrandis I’m really glad pointy cone boobs aren’t in fashion this decade, my boobs only know one shape and that’s a parallelogram.
@Adr1anaDeMarco You ever do that thing after you have a shower, when you just casually laze around in a towel and surf the web. oh yeah ‘surf’ that web
@pinkdeedle I sat on my hand for ages and then picked my nose a bit and it was the weirdest feeling. Like someone else was picking it. The end.

Do I get to choose who wins the Z Energy voucher? If I do, I choose @TophHooperton because he might need some supplies to keep on being MacGuyverlicious.

– @katjnz

BNZ-Literary-AwardWell, about that… This month’s TOTM are brought to you by BNZ, more specifically the BNZ Literary Awards. The BNZ social media team love writing, they love Twitter, and want to encourage all you clever wordsmiths to think about entering the Literary Awards, which celebrate short story writing. To say thanks to our usual sponsors Z Energy, Kat and the Twitter community for letting them hijack this month’s TOTM, they’re doubling the prizes across the board!

BNZ also have a fun Twitter-related announcement coming next Monday morning so keep an eye out on their Twitter account @BNZ to find out all about it. I already know what it is, and I think it’s going to be a lot of fun, and make choosing June’s TOTM that much harder!

Bring on Monday! x