Best Kiwi Tweets of August 2014

Compiled by @sportsfreakconz

August 2014; the month completely overrun by #DirtyPolitics, and all the conjecture and counter-conjecture that induced. A lot of it was pretty ugly at times, making his quite a challenging month, and I pity whoever is tagged with performing September. [That’s poor old @megapope – Cate]

In amongst all of this, other things broke out.

We kept eating and drinking
@lukeappleby: Forget the ice bucket challenge, let’s see some KFC bucket challenges
@jpdanner: Ice cream & strawberry apple pie for lunch. Because I’m a fucking adult
@BitchAboutDevo: Fierce just walked past someone who is so drunk he can’t walk by himself into his house. It’s 6.32pm. #devonport

Family Time
@annasmartnz: In A&E waiting for my 6yo sons chin to be stitched and he chooses now to ask how you get babies.
@plinythemidlkid: “There’s a bum. There’s a penis. There’s a penis.” Our Kid flicks through the Italian Renaissance art book.
@BoganetteNZ: E was running round the house & I couldn’t catch him so I yelled out “Where’s your penis?” He stopped to check. Parenting fail/win/something.
@SachaMcNeil: Small person going through the alphabet to see what rhymed with ‘ducky’. Had to put an end to it 6 letters in.

Kiwi Stylz
@LewSOS: Dude with feet so sun burnt he can’t wear shoes walking barefoot through the grim Wellington weather is basically the ultimate humblebrag
@Simonpnz: Team leader just suggested we call a teammate DP bc of their initials and I kept a straight face. Medal please.
@ShitAkhilSays: Cornrows in 2014 are proof that humans don’t always learn from their past mistakes
@Vegrandis: If u go to take a hot selfie and angle so hard to hide your chins that you pull a muscle in your neck. Can u claim ACC? Asking for a friend.

Life online
@AnnaliesvK: My mother has sent me an email with the signature “Mumzie”. I believe this to be a sign of an impending zombie apocalypse.
@3rd_Gen_: There was a time twitter when you really got behind my drink antics
@_idarima: It’s been a confusing, exhausting, frustrating, demanding, emotional, draining, uplifiting, inspiring, laughter-filled, love-infused day
@Shellface: So yeah. My mum unfollowed me. Beat that, twitter.
@vaughndavis: Server down = bad. Goose down = snuggly. (Unless we’re talking Top Gun, in which case = sad.)

Dirty Politics
@nzkoz: “The founder of the Internet Party, mr dotcom, is accused of hacking whaleoil’s email”. NZ politics must seem crazy insane to outsiders
@BookieMonsterNZ: So who thinks Cam and Kim are going to get together in the end. I mean this is what it’s all leading up to, right? Right?
@LachlanForsyth: Listening back to my question in standup with the PM I appear to have asked about “Judas Collins.”
@ravenous_wolves: a good thing about election hoardings is it’s really easy to distinguish which of your neighbours to hate
@jpdarroch: Today at work I heard someone being told that they were “on a Judith Collins last chance”
@mikekilpatrick: I’m all for vandalising billboards – I consider taking the piss out of politicians near mandatory. But I wish people who did could spell.
@Ward_Kamo: The thing left and right can agree on – @nzherald is completely biased against them. Nothing more than a mouthpiece for the other side.
@jofajafa: Some time soon someone is going to rework Kenny Rogers’ “The Gambler” lyrics to “The Blogger”. I’d have a crack myself but sleep beckons
@richardboock: Never thought i’d ever hear myself saying this, but the nats are missing people with the integrity of @tauhenare.
@Styla73: Waiting for the creation of a @MetiriasJacket Twitter account
@petrajane: So proud to live in a country where elected representatives use “intelligent” as an insult.
@toad001: Blocked by @Whaleoil on Twitter! Might have to retaliate & hack his blog… Oh, shit! Someone else thought of that first. #Whaledump

Token sports corner
@choiceknickers: walking around oakleigh shopping centre. go past the tab hear “fuck shit. come on, fuck, fuck shit!”….guessing his horse came last
@Vegrandis: When you see 1996 Olympic gold medalist Danyon Loader on tinder do you swipe right?

These are the questions of our generation.


zenergylogoAnd the winner is …. @nzkoz. Because it’s probably time we all stepped back and look at how silly this whole thing looks.

[Thank you so much, for curating this month @SportsFreakcoNZ, and congrats to @nzkoz! Send me your mailing address and some Z vouchers will be on their way to you shortly 🙂 ]