Best Tweets: September 2011

It’s that time again – time for the best Kiwi tweets of the month!

Party time in NZ! Drinking! Woop!
bobsyauncle I’m not as think as you drunk I am
pinkdeedle Success!!!! Woke up in my own bed.
cadetdory It tastes like there’s a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up.
BRONNINATOR My god, all the french men with cocks on their shirts. Delicious.

RWC2011(Trademark IRB, no infringement intended. This blog is in no way affliated with the RWC, IRB, sponsors or partners)
Kiwi_Chatter Do we warn all the #RWC2011 tourists about Hamilton?
Andrew_Mulligan Oh look! Sonny Bill is on the front page of the Herald. I haven’t seen that since yesterday’s edition.
BabeAtSea It’s painful to watch the whipping we’re giving Japan. Maybe half the AB’s could go off, to make it more of a challenge?
ManStanMatt BREAKING: McCully has appointed himself as All Blacks trainer to prevent a repeat of this week’s series of injuries.
melhomer Just passed a huge tree near Eden Park with lots of flags in it. And a road cone. And a deck chair.
JonoHale Looks like every lamppost in Levin had a RWC flag! There must be at least 4 of them!!! #onlyjokingthereisabout50
VegasNZ I dont have Rugby World Cup fever yet but I imagine i have to get it from an official supplier.
annagconnell Just filtered ‘rugby’, ‘rwc’, #rwc, ‘rugby world cup’, ‘all blacks’ out of my feed. It went blank.

Kiwi Tweets: The X Factor edition
TophHooperton Whenever it cuts to a black and white freeze frame on X Factor I always say in a sombre voice ‘and then they aaaallll died’.
evilkud Hairy cleavage was the real winner of that audition
Twonetweet Is it normal to sob your way thru x factor? Just checking
MelenieNZ What is going on with these contestants? It’s like they were all recruited from a psychiatrist’s waiting room.
The_Vonk Oh jeezus they’re letting it through

Kiwi Tweets: The Coro edition
jv_nz Uh ohhh… Channel 1 is moving Coronation St to make way for Masterchef Australia. There’s gonna be a mutiny! A really slow, dusty mutiny.

Kiwi Tweets: The Vagisil edition
SpeelyFreaking The first rule of Vagisil club is: you don’t talk about Vagisil club. Probably obvious, but I thought I’d share it anyway.
Vegrandis Vagisil ad “when you feel fresh, you feel confident.” ohh so that’s why i’m too scared to ask boys out, cos my cunt isn’t fresh

Technology makes life better..?
BexieLady When will twitter stop suggesting I follow douchebags? Twitter, you have terrible taste in men sometimes.
Kiwiseabreeze Saw a “No more Tangles” ad on FB. totally thought it said “No more Triangles…” #downwithtriangles
HungryandFrozen “what band is this?” “it’s xyz, you like?” “no I just wanted to get the name right so I can complain about it on twitter”…
AdrianwithaW “Student Loan. Stuudent Looan. Student Loan. S.t.u.d.e.n.t.L.o.a.n. Stuudeenntt Llooaannn” – Colleague talking to automated IRD call service
allstarangel Downside of a 10 year old having a phone. They text you at 6am to tell you they are awake. Had to censor what I sent back.

Noms-related tweets
KimChisnall At Fonterra briefing for new CEO. Again no chocolate milk on offer! What gives!
kittengloves Success is: getting to the end of the party and still having an unopened bag of Twisties.
PaMelville @amiewee like cake through the hourglass, these are the cheesecakes of our lives

shazndolly went to the @trelisecooper sale today…the one thing that I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted was in a size 8. Great. No dinner for me. This year
VinLew I think I’m going through menopause…
robtreacher Jeebus, just caught a glimpse of my body in the mirror. That satellite isn’t the only thing being adversely affected by gravity
CNell_NZ Best part of Titanic? “Kate Winslet’s taking her robe off! OMG I’m about to see her boobs! Hooray boo– [camera change] GOD DAMMIT.”
beekay77 Poor misunderstood Steve Crow. He’s just concerned about my right to walk down the streets with my boobs out.

NessOldfield Just emailed someone to tell them that the cat needs to be desired….it was meant to be desexed. When spell checking goes wrong.
chadirl @TyeTyeee whats a nun? is it a breed of dog?
RachelRayner Getting trapped in ones cami is significantly less embarrassing when it happens in the privacy of ones own bedroom.
normanstrange Don’t fucking come into my store and say the other guy knows more than me. I know more about your shit phone than you do.
benjamintelfer Soo, I just walked in on my flatmate getting a BJ in the bathroom.
feefeebofaye Omg dying here! M11 was telling me about cleaning up his school and how the teachers told them if they find any congdongs not to touch them

guywilliamsguy Normally I wouldn’t steal a car or a handbag but now, based on my success with movies, I’m kind of thinking I should give it a crack.
RyanSproull I sometimes feel I’m waiting for the opportunity to say, “I’ll pay you a retainer,” and bounce an orthodontic device off someone’s chest.
MoataTamaira Just realised why the Arrow, generic pharmaceuticals ads are so hideously painful… They sell painkillers.
00k Here’s a quick test: what are the opposites of these six words? Always. Coming. From. Take. Me. Down.