Best Tweets: April 2011

The best Kiwi Tweets of April 2011

Life is good

RachSmalley Mum’s arrived up from ChCh with a hacksaw in her luggage. She said “I just thought some of your trees could do with a trim.”
CathyKoo I know it’s how they became mums in the first place but the Happy Mother’s Day signs in sex shop windows are creeping me out.
Stitchpunk Dear Weight Watchers, please take Your email guide to Easter and fuck right off. Kthxbai
JaneLuscombe At a Hawaii party. Among the myriad of loud shirts and leis is a sole soul dressed as a ham and pineapple pizza
sophlyon Man on train underlining passages from The Da Vinci Code quite ferociously. Slightly unnerving. Red pen too.
bobsyauncle Bear Grylls just vomited up his raw goats testicle. He’s getting soft
Vegrandis Bitch it’s 12 items or LESS. It doesn’t mean you can do two transactions, it defeats the purpose. I will slap you.

We are New Zealand

stevebiddle There are obviously plenty of people from out of town in Wgtn today. I’ve never seen so many foolish attempts to use an umbrella.
nicki_nz 45 km north of Hamilton and there are cars stopped beside the road and people with cameras. No idea why but we’ve joined them.
Motmunter “Sorry for the delay but we’re rushed off our feet, we’ve had 3 people in this morning” – Wanaka car rental lady.
hdpaONENEWS I’m pretty sure the PM just made up a word: mentoror. Sounds like a dinosaur.
RichieHMcCaw Most people get what’s coming to them. Unless it’s sent via NZ Post.


annagconnell Note to self – do not present the draft proposal that has ‘arghhhhhhhhhh fucky mcfuck sticks’ written into it. Your boss looks at you funny.
WendyWings GizmoNZ just had a YEAH I AM A DOG moment and ran head first into the wall, I am glad I am not a dog.
annelisevickery So, I want to do a cock pot meal tomorrow, takes 4 hrs in high, can I prep it all now and get the man to stick it on later?

This is Twitter!

TheNoemi When following someone new, it’s imperative for me to know where they’re from so I read their tweets in the correct accent on my head.
benjamintelfer Recently, I’ve had more cats request to see my tweets than people …

If you want to nominate a tweet for May, simply send the message URL to @CateOwen