Best Tweets: July 2012

A big one this month – between the Olympics, your technology woes, and the old classic “stay classy” tweets, there’s a lot to love from July.

Tweets like these are why Twitter exists
@Dovil Breaking: Govt to sell Waitangi Tribunal.
@KatinEdinburgh Ugh. Hipster kid in Starbucks wearing a 1984 sweatshirt. I feel so old.
@Sezlinc You go to town, squeeze out a baby, get some sushi, come home & cuddle said baby. Voila!
@natstrats Nice new BMW lady, did no one show you where the indicators are? It’s inefficient for me to mouth “where are you going?” and you to point.
@aberopitini I woke up with a sock on my foot but there was no sock when I went to sleep.
@Kiwi_Chatter Not mentioning any names, but one of my wives shrunk my hoodie in the wash.
@JaredNeilsen Purchased a car via Turners in Jan, subscribed to their e-letter since. Subject line this month: “Sick of driving a heap of junk?” Um…
@di_twhitter Just found a rogue scrabble tile in the rug. Now have tile paranoia and am counting all tiles to assess the situation.

Technology, eh.
@ryansallan My iPhone just autocorrected ‘gay’ to ‘hey’. If it had gone for ‘Haaaaaaay’ I’d have been more impressed
@badtom I’m glad I stopped autocorrect from changing “maneater” to “manatee”. That could have been taken the wrong way.
@VinLew Oh TelstraClearNZ is popular in Mosgiel? I didn’t know they had electricity.
@steffenrusten FFS, do not email me to tell me that I’ve been unsubscribed from your email list.
@iChild Ah, nothing like unnecessary threatening emails from a Trade Me seller to start my day.
@antsgardiner Send email. Check I included the attachment. Re-send email.
@amiemccarron I think I will cross-stitch a paranoid android robot dreaming about apple eating his baby on the back of my iphone
@Tarquin_Death I’m getting Facebook ads for duty free booze, Ugg boots and McDonalds. South Auckland, I think I have your Facebook

Man Tweets
@structconz I’ve already used the word testicles in a sentence this morning. This week is going to be a good one.
@ryansallan The Lynx product stand at the chemist is almost sold out. I’m disappointed in my gender.

50 Shades of Yuck
@BitchAboutDevo I came home to find mum reading 50 Shades Of Grey. I blame all of you.
@SpeelyFreaking My tweets are exactly like 50 Shades Of Grey. Only lonely women read them.
@Batman_NZ Just watching a dude buy his young teenage daughter the 50 shades box set at the Warehouse in New Lynn.

@rhysiedarby BBC commentary: “The NZ rowers are a little rough around the edges.” – yeah that’s how we like it. We’ll wait for you at the finish bro.
@katie_skatie Oh, & Olympics Gods… thanks for making weightlifting terminology so fun. “In her snatch” is the best! Followed closely by the clean jerk!
‏@SylviaGiles I wanna spoon with some of these male gymnasts

What is a TOTM without a ‘Stay Classy, NZ’ section?
@Mamamsosweet One of my students just asked me how to write the pause sign… worked out he meant a comma
@philwalter Both the ladies in the house have Lady pains. Shoot me.
@xCaron I just picked a quality scab off my elbow… You’re welcome.
@Naly_D The neighbours have been drinking wine & keep laughing, it sounds like when i lived by the zoo & could hear the gibbons
@ColeyTangerina Brb just gonna shave my workmate.
@AnnaGConnell There’s a guy wearing a horse head playing ‘God Save the Queen’ on a clarinet on Queen St. Just thought you should know.
@TophHooperton That awkward moment when you make eye contact with the person stealing herbs from your front garden.

The Jesse Peach Anthology
@jessepeach my ex flatmate is trying to make us watch her express milk. she’s not pregnant, & she never has been. i’m convinced this is not a good idea.
um, sorry… that last update was a bit much i think.
ok ok. she’s actually forcing us to watch. she said it’s a hormonal issue. My flatmate who is gay is begging her not to.
ok she’s doing a practice run first. then we’re seeing it. there’s a few hands over eyes.
“it’s just clear” she assures us. “it’s not going to look like dairy milk”
ok. just spent about 5 minutes collapsed laughing. somebody tell me this was a bad dream. surely it was.
So, the verdict was, both sides produced about a teaspoon each. Don’t know what to say now. Goodnight


Old Mout Cider


The person who got the most nominations this month was @ColeyTangerina – so you get that delicious Old Mout prize pack! Be sure to follow @OldMoutCider so they can sort you out. Congrats!

4 Replies to “Best Tweets: July 2012”

  1. Dull list. There were so much better out there. Have you sold out your opinion to your Twitter friends Cate?

  2. This is your personal blog isn’t Cate? You don’t have to be polite to rude comments here, so well done for being so. 😉

    I LOL’d and even gave a snort so hit my funny bone as always.

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