Best Tweets: June 2012

June’s tweets of the month include rollypolys, fracking, angry busdrivers and even a sealed section!

Our lovers and their judgements
@richardboock
‘you’ve got good legs’, says @boock_unedited, running an appraising eye over me. ‘just a pity about you stomach and face’… #shopping
@vegrandis
I have horrendous taste in men. My type is: People who like me. I should know not to get with them, look at their taste in girls. Terrible.

The Breeders
@Nightwyrm
At Chipmunks with what appears to be the entire child population of Tawa. I’ve truly entered a circle of hell.
@rosiecd
Mr 6 challenged me to do a rolly poly. He would not wait till wine o’clock. I did one. I now understand why old peoples bones break.
@Polychromantics
Oh God i just realised that when kids look at me they think I’m an adult

Stay Classy, New Zealand
@c_scotty
Guy sitting next to me at the rugby has his iPhone sealed in a glad zip lock back… Also has a dirty mullet #betterlivingeverybody
@TroyRF
Apparently I left the housekeys in the front door. Car still there, which means either a) Very lucky, or b) Undesirable car. Either’s good.
@VinLew
I wish I had a photo of myself halfway through sneezing hot chocolate out my nose.
@melhomer
Am contemplating buying sushi, undoing it and then redoing it so it looks home made for kids dance shared dinner. a new low.
@pinkdeedle
Honestly if I had a pet turtle I’d just hold it and sob.
@RussellClarkNZ
It is officially onesy season
@hdpaONENEWS
The bus driver’s pausing at stops, opening the doors then shutting them before anyone walking towards the bus can reach it. I’m on his side.
@angusbhodgson
William and Kate told Key that they’ll visit NZ at some point. Of course they did. As if they’d say no. John Key is our embarrassing uncle.
@el_stepho
I just discovered my mum’s secret family recipe for Macaroni Cheese. She conveniently published it in the Edmonds Cookbook.
@DanRockNZ
Seriously Twitter. I will NEVER follow Taylor Swift. Unless she gets naked. Then I will. For a bit.
@pinkdeedle
Accidentally pashed a dog. Long story. Bull mastiff.

First World Problems
@Jacob_Mills
If I was on the voice and only Jessie J turned around I’d be like sorry I’ll try again next time.
@amiewee
Chased a hedgehog up someone’s driveway in the rain trying to get an instagram of it. Failed.
@thelittlepakeha
someone has listed a giant centipede in the Pets > Other section of trademe. not even joking.
@paudecanela_nz
to the person who got to my blog by searching for “sell my used panties – kerikeri”: don’t. just don’t.
@beekaynz
Sorry? What was that? I can’t hear you over the rain hitting the windows like millions of demented moths round a lightbulb.
@Margie186
Doing lots of typing, deleting, not tweeting tonight.
@MsAngelaBeswick
Same pose. Every photo.
@Chris_Brain
Damn it. I left my Rihanna cd near my Chris Brown cd and now it’s all scratched.

In the workplace
@Hilary_Barry
I don’t know why I feel uncomfortable saying “fracking” on the news, I just do.
@Nightwyrm
Apparently skipping out the office door, cackling hysterically is not considered professional.
@Tarquin_Death
Boyfriend Boss sends email w subject ‘can you load these gorgeous?’ I cc in client on reply & neglect to change subject. SO EMBARRASSED NOW
@JuliusMaskell
In work toilets are you supposed to use the same cubicle each time or change it up?
@roxyleopold
Listening to my work colleague talk about how much they hate butter. So confused.

AO content!
@amiewee
OMFG loading a porno mag into Adobe Reader & telling it to ‘Read Out Loud’ is making me cry with laughter.
@chowda_head
Lol. Someone on FB complaining about their kids. Females are sympathetic, male posts “should’ve swallowed”. Sorry. I did laugh at that.
@melhomer
“hey mum what’s a blowjob?” well that just shut the conversation down in this car…..
@Stitchpunk
Paper cut from a sanitary pad wrapper. That’s a bit bloody harsh.
@BexieLady
@meaglee, would you still go to hanmer with me if I got bikini bottoms that look like my vagina area has teeth?

 

Old Mout Cider

 

The lovely @AliCopeman drew @melhomer out of the hat, so both of you collect a cidery reward! Be sure to follow @OldMoutCider so they can sort you out.

Best Tweets: June 2012
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