Stuff I like: October 2014

It’s been a while since I published a Stuff I Like post, but here we go!

Taylor Swift’s latest – Out Of The Woods – is on repeat. So good.

Moodstruck 3D Fiber Lashesruby-sub
If you’re like me and like the look of false lashes but get really fucked off trying to stick them on and end up gluing your eyelids together, I have a solution for you. My friend recently started selling younique products, and managed to convince cynical old me to try this mascara after posting this pic of her daughter to Facebook.

And it works! This isn’t a photoshop job. If you want to order, it’s $50 delivered.

It takes a little practice to get it right, but once its on, it stays on, and is pretty easy to remove at the end of the day. Or, you know, the next morning. Or the day after that. No judgement.

Skins Season 1
I got the dvds from my friend Kat about six months ago and left them on the shelf, thinking I’d get around to watching them at some point. Well, that point was last weekend.


How have none of you made me watch this before now?

Skins revolves around a group of British teenagers and how they cope with crap parents, trying to find a girlfriend, getting beaten up, etc. Each episode focuses on one teen, and shows their world in relation to the others. It’s intimate, gripping, funny, and sad.

Shadow Boxes

Yay, they’re back!

I bought a shadow box from Typo, who have some really great designs at the moment, but you could also build one if you’re so inclined. I’m not, so $40 later, I now have a box hanging on my bedroom wall, displaying my bangles and bracelets.

Countdown delivery discount codes
What’s better than not going to the supermarket? Getting it delivered to your door. Better still, when that delivery is free (or heavily discounted!). Yes, Countdown is no Pak ‘n Save when it comes to prices, but I will pay extra to not deal with being inside Pak ‘n Save. I get so overwhelmed, and the high packed shelves freak me out. So. Countdown. They deliver! And it’s about $15. A quick Google search can get that shiz down to about $5. So so so so so so good.


Seven Twitter tricks you might not know

If you’re a heavy-duty Twitter user, you probably already know these tricks, but for the uninitiated among us, here are some nifty tips that have helped me have a better online experience.

. in front of @username
When you’re tweeting to someone, the only people who get those messages in their newsfeed are people who follow both of you. By putting a full stop in front of the other person’s username, you’re making sure everyone who follows you will see that tweet, if they’re on Twitter at the time.

Use it wisely. No one wants to read every tweet.

DMs via text + sleep settings
Did you know you can get your private messages text to you? And you can turn them off so you don’t get pinged by a drunken DM at 2am.

Firstly, pop in your mobile number on settings >> Mobile, then pop in what you want text to you, and the no-contact zone.

Tip for new players: Don’t reply to these text messages – they’ll go onto your feed like a regular tweet!

Keyboard shortcuts
Did you know you can click j and k to scroll between tweets? Or that the full stop will load new tweets?


Twitter analytics
You’re welcome.

Turn off RTs from a user
Sometimes I’ll ask a question, and then retweet all the interesting and varied replies I get. That no doubt annoys people. To turn it off, go to the user’s profile page, click the cog symbol on the right, then turn off Retweets. Easy!

Sort out your search
Want to know who is tweeting your blog links? Put your url into the search, click “all” and bam! Also, you can narrow search terms using negative keywords – it’s simple. Just put in your search words, then -abc the words you don’t want to appear. Really useful if you’re searching something that has multiple meanings!

Tweet gifs!
You can tweet gifs now! Man, have I taken advantage of this in the last few months.

Got any tricks? Add them in the comments!

ELECTION SPECIAL: Best Kiwi Tweets of September 2014

Compiled by @Megapope
Welcome to the Election Special of TOTM! As we all know, September was almost entirely taken up by the heated foreplay, explosive climax and regretful wiping up of the New Zealand 2014 General Election. In keeping with the tradition of pissing off as many TOTM readers as humanly possible, I’ve gleefully ignored almost every nomination sent to me over the last 30+ days and have instead compiled a list of the most worthy election themed jokes, posturings, rants, frenzied expletives and mournful utterings. Because if you’re not already hugely sick of reading about the 2014 election, you will be after this.

The highlights of the NZ election include…

The Aro Valley Debate!
@ColeyTangerina: Billie just had to be comforted by Grant for laughing too hard about “squirting”
TBarugh I could go to #AroDebate or I could listen to t-pain
@Simonpnz Is it possible to be bigoted against old white guys? Asking for a friend.
@HatePash1 Got my voting papers which is great because I now know that name of the ALCP guy I accidentally hit on
@ChickyMcNuggs Mum’s evil eyeing the national sympathisers in the corner

Eminem sues the National Party!
@JesseMulligan Eminem also suing John Key for being a multimillionaire who grew up in poverty and is tormented by someone called Kim
@_jjw_ I illegally downloaded Eminem and called people losers when I was 16 too.
@danylmc I assume the police will conduct an armed raid on National’s HQ in Pipitea Street

Election day censorship!
@BarristerNZ Hello #ThingsYouCanTweetOnElectionDay
@revhirini Twitter right now looks like the tv version of rehab. Everyone shuffling around, angrily smoking cigarettes and really wanting another hit.
@eMPOWERedNZ I saw a fire engine on the way to the Warehouse. #ThingsYouCanTweetOnElectionDay
@freezingkiwi I am the all-powerful New Zealander Overseas! I can tweet whatever I want muwahaha
@jamescardno Is it illegal to listen to Eminem today?
@RuminatorNZ So who should I vote for? #honeytrap
@thomasbeagle A friend in his 40s has still never voted. Going to have to break it to him that he can’t save them up and use them all at once.
@AliIkram Twitter, when they stopped us talking about the election, I discovered we have nothing in common.

Livetweeting the election night results!
@tripthestation The amount of fucks I give about Epsom are minimal
@Kimcooksforyou How is it only 9.18pm? I swear this has been going for forty years already.
@kalena No no no no NO! I don’t think I can watch @TV3nz coverage if Paul effing Henry is on the panel. Shit.
@RevTamihere Woohoo! Looks like Labour’s going to smash the 5% party vote threshold! High five everybody!
@_jjw_ “Time for a cry wank” — most leftwingers right now
@utherlives Lots of nappy ads on the livestream. Appropriate as we watch the country shit itself.
@KendallForbes Have we had distracting background graphics or tinder-like touch screen interface yet? #decision14 #derision14
@theJDuce PSA: dip your hash browns in onion dip! #partyinyourmouth #TWvote #decision14
@mizjwilliams OH: “I want to get in the right place so I can just hug John Key”. From a male Young Nat
@Hilary_Barry I was keen for more party games but most of the Conservatives are leaving the party. Stink. Maybe if I suggest spin the bottle?
@harrison_ You can tell who voted for who by how passive aggressive their tweets are right now.

That Labour caucus media stakeout!
@mizjwilliams Trevor Mallard emerges. “What’s going on Trevor?” “I’m going to the dunny”.
@robhosking BREAKING: Cunliffe tells caucus Jim Morrison & Weird Naked Indian appeared in dream & say Labour can rediscover purpose by staging concert
@LewSOS Let me get this right. After gurgling around in the guts of the Beehive for seven hours, the Labour caucus exited via the back passage?
@tripthestation I reckon they’re doing trust falls in the Labour caucus room by now.
@MrDuttonPeabody *spins spinner* Trevor Mallard: “Left foot Green!” David Cunliffe: “Look, I said I made a mistake not doing that already”
@WendyWings So is there a white smoke thing going to happen when #LabourCaucus ends or is that just for a new pope?
@LachlanForsyth EXCLUSIVE. Door left ajar for Labour caucus meeting.

And finally let’s wrap this show up with some misc thoughts from our political pundits.
@AceMcWicked I will be exposing the emails of fashionable foodees using the twitter handle @Kaledump
@Dovil Who else read ‘twewwible’ and thought that Slater/Collins was involved in some kind of adult baby sex trist cause you do now, you’re welcome
@prinnbanktce “photographic evidence of a cabinet minister riding a giraffe like a horse while blind drunk” things that would not surprise me any more.
@writehandedgirl ‘It’s time for change!’ yells the old white man to the room full of old white men. They all cheer. They are pleased.
@stephanierodgrs Of course the KDC email contains the phrase “game changer”. OF COURSE IT DOES. @patrickgowernz must be sobbing with laughter.
@RupertTheBeer Remember the good old days when the Prime Minister did harmless things like get drunk and call snap elections?
@LachlanForsyth So, at the end of the day, we did reach peak cray after all. Now, what was it?

Really there are many winners from this election. John Key, obviously, but he’s probably got enough accolades already as part of that whole prime minister gig. Onion dip was a definite winner on the night itself, but ultimately I have to give the prize to @tripthestation for an excellent combination of snark, anger, wit and making me laugh like a hyena more than once during September. Well done!





zenergylogoCongrats, Trip, you’ve scored yourself some vouchers from vouchers from Z Energy! Also Popeface, you get some too, so you can drink slushies to your heart’s content. Please send me your mailing addresses so you can be full of petrol and pie!

5 reasons why Meghan Trainor’s All About That Bass is not the female empowerment song we hoped it was

By now you will have heard Meghan Trainor’s catchy ditty All About That Bass. On the surface, the song seems to be about loving yourself, but a cursory glance over the lyrics and you’ll be having a serving of WTF with a side of no thanks.

I can shake it, shake it, like I’m supposed to do
Oh, so we’re supposed to be shaking it now? Says whom? What if I don’t want to shake it? WHY AM I SUPPOSED TO SHAKE IT? *drinks heavily*

Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top
I’m not perfect. No one is. That doesn’t mean we are not awesome. In fact, it’s my imperfections that make me awesome. Jog on.

My mama she told me don’t worry about your size. She says, “Boys like a little more booty to hold at night.”
Shit! As long as a man likes my fat ass, I’m validated! Wooho- wait. I’m single. No male gaze is telling me my size is acceptable. Hmmmm, now what?

I’m bringing booty back. Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that.
There’s nothing like putting someone else down to make yourself feel better, eh. Oh wait, it’s okay cos they’re skinny! They’re our oppressive overlords!

Because you know I’m all about that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble
What does this even mean? Your song would sound terrible if it had no treble. It would be all doof doof doof doof and then we’d figure you were some pimply teenage guy in a Subaru. Unless this is a euphemism, and then I guess I don’t get it.

All About That Bass
is one of the most popular songs in the country right now, and yes, it’s a sweet tune and catchy as hell. But… I want something more.

We’re so close. So. Close. Next time, lets get some true body acceptance across the line.

Viral video of girl licking bird poo: Real or fake?

By now, 2.9 million people have watched the video “Licking bird poo and wearing it too”, featuring a girl at Auckland’s Mission Bay, getting pooped on.

If you haven’t, here it is:

So it went off. It was covered by a host of outlets including Japanese TV, Huffington Post, and The Mirror, and featured on Reddit’s front page, Shock Mansion, and Break.

The big question is: Is it fake?

Yeah. Yeah it is.

Sorry about that, but Jono and Ben had this whole thing planned from the start, pulling a Kimmel on the world. #boom

Best Kiwi Tweets of August 2014

Compiled by @sportsfreakconz

August 2014; the month completely overrun by #DirtyPolitics, and all the conjecture and counter-conjecture that induced. A lot of it was pretty ugly at times, making his quite a challenging month, and I pity whoever is tagged with performing September. [That’s poor old @megapope – Cate]

In amongst all of this, other things broke out.

We kept eating and drinking
@lukeappleby: Forget the ice bucket challenge, let’s see some KFC bucket challenges
@jpdanner: Ice cream & strawberry apple pie for lunch. Because I’m a fucking adult
@BitchAboutDevo: Fierce just walked past someone who is so drunk he can’t walk by himself into his house. It’s 6.32pm. #devonport

Family Time
@annasmartnz: In A&E waiting for my 6yo sons chin to be stitched and he chooses now to ask how you get babies.
@plinythemidlkid: “There’s a bum. There’s a penis. There’s a penis.” Our Kid flicks through the Italian Renaissance art book.
@BoganetteNZ: E was running round the house & I couldn’t catch him so I yelled out “Where’s your penis?” He stopped to check. Parenting fail/win/something.
@SachaMcNeil: Small person going through the alphabet to see what rhymed with ‘ducky’. Had to put an end to it 6 letters in.

Kiwi Stylz
@LewSOS: Dude with feet so sun burnt he can’t wear shoes walking barefoot through the grim Wellington weather is basically the ultimate humblebrag
@Simonpnz: Team leader just suggested we call a teammate DP bc of their initials and I kept a straight face. Medal please.
@ShitAkhilSays: Cornrows in 2014 are proof that humans don’t always learn from their past mistakes
@Vegrandis: If u go to take a hot selfie and angle so hard to hide your chins that you pull a muscle in your neck. Can u claim ACC? Asking for a friend.

Life online
@AnnaliesvK: My mother has sent me an email with the signature “Mumzie”. I believe this to be a sign of an impending zombie apocalypse.
@3rd_Gen_: There was a time twitter when you really got behind my drink antics
@_idarima: It’s been a confusing, exhausting, frustrating, demanding, emotional, draining, uplifiting, inspiring, laughter-filled, love-infused day
@Shellface: So yeah. My mum unfollowed me. Beat that, twitter.
@vaughndavis: Server down = bad. Goose down = snuggly. (Unless we’re talking Top Gun, in which case = sad.)

Dirty Politics
@nzkoz: “The founder of the Internet Party, mr dotcom, is accused of hacking whaleoil’s email”. NZ politics must seem crazy insane to outsiders
@BookieMonsterNZ: So who thinks Cam and Kim are going to get together in the end. I mean this is what it’s all leading up to, right? Right?
@LachlanForsyth: Listening back to my question in standup with the PM I appear to have asked about “Judas Collins.”
@ravenous_wolves: a good thing about election hoardings is it’s really easy to distinguish which of your neighbours to hate
@jpdarroch: Today at work I heard someone being told that they were “on a Judith Collins last chance”
@mikekilpatrick: I’m all for vandalising billboards – I consider taking the piss out of politicians near mandatory. But I wish people who did could spell.
@Ward_Kamo: The thing left and right can agree on – @nzherald is completely biased against them. Nothing more than a mouthpiece for the other side.
@jofajafa: Some time soon someone is going to rework Kenny Rogers’ “The Gambler” lyrics to “The Blogger”. I’d have a crack myself but sleep beckons
@richardboock: Never thought i’d ever hear myself saying this, but the nats are missing people with the integrity of @tauhenare.
@Styla73: Waiting for the creation of a @MetiriasJacket Twitter account
@petrajane: So proud to live in a country where elected representatives use “intelligent” as an insult.
@toad001: Blocked by @Whaleoil on Twitter! Might have to retaliate & hack his blog… Oh, shit! Someone else thought of that first. #Whaledump

Token sports corner
@choiceknickers: walking around oakleigh shopping centre. go past the tab hear “fuck shit. come on, fuck, fuck shit!”….guessing his horse came last
@Vegrandis: When you see 1996 Olympic gold medalist Danyon Loader on tinder do you swipe right?

These are the questions of our generation.


zenergylogoAnd the winner is …. @nzkoz. Because it’s probably time we all stepped back and look at how silly this whole thing looks.

[Thank you so much, for curating this month @SportsFreakcoNZ, and congrats to @nzkoz! Send me your mailing address and some Z vouchers will be on their way to you shortly 🙂 ]

Best Kiwi Tweets of July 2014

Compiled by @xenojay

Thanks Cate for thinking I have the chops to follow Takapunani and collate this month’s tweets. HERE WE ARE AT JULIUS CAESAR’S MONTH! Two cultures are destroying each other as Royals sneak into Commonwealth Game athletes pictures, all the while our countries politicians are starting to pop up on billboards which are defaced as quickly as a Jesus Fresco in Spain.

Oh, and Ebola appears to be back in a large way, along with a potentially fatal strain of ‘cold virus’ having been created by some scientist who thought that was a smart idea.

So let’s read over some amusing anecdotes while we prepare for what will most likely be the impending zombie apocalypse!

@mostlydolly when dating as a “mature” woman, I can only offer 1 piece of advice. Wine.
@RachelRayner I’ve had the sniffles for a week. There are so many used tissues in my bedroom, it looks like I’ve been hosting a Teen boy.
@Tarquin_Death This skirt seemed longer when I wasn’t in the office
@NanaJ9 Man outside supermarket manning the charity bbq “this lady looks like she needs a sausage”….. More than you know mate. More than you know.

No More Beersies For You
@3rd_Gen_ If anyone is slightly hungover – be assured at least your not my neighbour who I ‘met’ in elevator last night being carried in by 6 friends
@southernscoop I used to live next door to Che Fu. Puked on his house. His dog ate it. Possibly inspired a song.
@tomtremewan S/O to the hammered dude waiting for his burger eating leftover burgers from other peoples’ table

@dovil Is the Opening Ceremony drunk?
@_surlymermaid_ Is the games opening really that bad? You guys are making it sound like it’s the Home and Away cast remaking House of Cards
@jospehmoore1 How good was that pash???!!! More pashing in opening ceremonies please #Glasgow2014
@wecanpartthesea Mum on the young mountain biker who won a medal in Glasgow: “It looked so easy, I could have done it.”
@GrumpyYetAmusin “Trust the Aussies to have shit togs” #TheWife #CommonwealthGames

What Even Is Politics?
@DavidSlack NZ First slogan: “It’s Common Sense”. Arse. I had twenty bucks on “Nurse!!”
@aaronincognito I have just been followed by @InternetPartyNZ. This means I’m about to be followed by @GCSBIntercepts
@zkerr590 OH in newsroom: “Oh that politician is filled with candy, if you whack him with a stick, the lollies come out”
@toby_etc If I were the Fish & Game CEO I too would be very upset if Nick Smith started threatening to twerk.

Anti-Social Media
@cateowen It’s my brother’s birthday in two days. I’ve changed his Facebook settings to make his birthday private. No one is going to get notified.
@hdpaNEWS Last night a 60 year old burned me in front of other 60 year olds by yelling out “HASHTAG BORN”.
@mlle_elle A cider company has reached 100,000 fans on Facebook. How does this even happen. How do they user engagement. How do they Facebook
@Nightwyrm “We encourage you to download the Messenger app…” Yeah nah, fuck off FB.
@delphijunkie Just won a staring contest with the cat and I need to tweet about it or my victory will be hollow

Mum’s The Word!
@_snozzberry_ “Why is he wearing glasses with no lenses?” – Mum “Did you ask Michael Jackson why he wore one glove?” OMG I just compared Redfoo to MJ
@TheComedyWife If your baby farts into your hand while you’re carrying her is it still considered a cupcake? Not asking for a friend.
@bexielady Told the midwife I’m planning on making placenta meatloaf. She thought I was serious and tried hard to be supportive. Oops.
@nikinajar Granny on farming: ‘there used to be six million sheep in New Zealand. Then the cows took over’
@josiecampbell The great thing about funerals is that it gives your relatives a chance to not understand your career/hairstyle choices.

Life. Oh Life.
@hamo_d My superpower is that nobody wants to sit next to me on the train. #itsagift
@chrisiswhoiam it’s 2014 and i’m still bloody baffled by what goes on under an escalator
@vergrandis Unless there’s free food or dick – I don’t know how to be on time for things.
@Rose_Matafeo Looking forward to another year of being mistaken for Keisha Castle-Hughes now that she’s famous again
@TophHooperton I’m watching a woman demonstrating a slicer in The Warehouse to get a free potato peeler. #NewLow (I think I’m gonna buy the slicer.)

Oh, So That’s How You Journalism…
@chris__schulz “Just vomit words onto the page” #overheardintheheraldnewsroom #handytipforaspiringjournos
@SteveBraunias Someone unfollowed @dbseymour so he only had 665 followers so I followed to bring it back to 666 then someone else followed so I unfollowed

Winner – In a hotly contested competition (Not really, I just want it to sound dramatic), I choose @NanaJ9 because I laughed at it more than the amount of sausages sold by that Charity BBQ Group. Which was probably a lot.


zenergylogoCongrats @NanaJ9 and thank you @xenojay! Both of you will be getting vouchers from the @zenergynz team so you can enjoy petrol and pies!

Best Kiwi Tweets of June 2014

Compiled by @takapunani

Thanks to Cate Owen for allowing me to collate this month’s tweets. WELCOME TO JUNE EVERYBODY! It was a fun month for us. We learnt more about ‘the beautiful game’ thanks to the 2014 FIFA World Cup . I personally learnt that if you call it soccer on twitter you get yelled at. Colin Craig kept on Colin Craiging. And love continued to evade many of us. Thankfully Tinder filled that gap * check with Cate if I can make a joke about Tinder filling my gap*

Working hard or hardly working…
@Nightwyrm Managed to press pause and not reply to an email with “ARE YOU ON FUCKING CRACK?” #winning
@rafaelmagu “No, I swear the beer was all over my desk before I got here.“

Dogs have owners, cats have staff, chickens have..?
@ColeyTangerina Our chicken comes inside as we have cooked chicken on the bench and I’m all OMG HIDE THE FOOD. What is wrong with me!?
@DawgBelly “What’s that?” “Oh nothing Dad” *pockets underwear stuck in doggy door*
@nina_mcsweeney My little kitty bites too much, has anxiety issues, and needs to be medicated. So pretty much exactly like me.
@sarabeee A thing Tilly offered to help with today: dispose of toenail clippings #evenlittlewhitedoggiesaregross

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself….
@guywilliamsguy What do you mean you’re going to try and bring back the Moa? WHY DON’T YOU FOCUS ON KEEPING THE BLOODY MAUI DOLPHIN ALIVE!
@AndreAlessi The Tea Party is bullshit. They don’t even know the difference between English Breakfast and Earl Grey.
@MegaPope Another day of not being blocked by Judith Collins. Martyn Bradbury’s block is really low value, I’m just not feeling it.
@shacklemore If Maui dolphins want democratic representation, they can damn well donate to National like everybody else important does.

All’s fair in love and war
@hungryandfrozen lol just added a thing about my cookie business on my tinder profile for I am a savvy business woman.
@Becs Sometimes I read a book or a poem or listen to a song & I think they wrote my heart.
@ghettoanger Left swipe. Right swipe. Right swipe. Left swipe. Right swipe. Right- wait a minute, what the hell is my WIFE doing on here? #shortandtweet
@jog__on “Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher had a romantic dinner date this weekend” and I ate 3 cookie times. A great weekend was had by all.

NZers. Winning at life since ages ago.
@Dovil Got in empty lift that someone was using to store all the world’s farts in. Got out to crowd of waiting people. May have to leave town.
@RachelRayner Huh so this is what @kfcnz tastes like when I’m not hungover. #WhoKnew
@MarquisedeSark Riding my bike home today, a young boy of around 10 while passing me, stood on his pedals and thrust his crotch at me several times. WTAF
@Lozalock Indian and Gilmore Girls. Yeaaaaaaaboi
@TomTremewan Ugh I went to New World but left my Fucking Clue at home. You should never go to the supermarket at night without a Fucking Clue.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.
@AnnaGConnell Would going back to bed with salmon dip and a baguette be gross? The intention is to eat the dip and the baguette.
@Vegrandis Got 2 T-Bone steaks for me and my lover tonight , so that’s 1 steak for me, and….. 1 more steak for me
@SarahMcMullanNZ I just saw a woman eat half of a #MrsHiggins cookie, then put the rest away FOR LATER. So she’s obviously an evil witch right?
@ohsarahrose There is Moccona coffee in my cup. I have done nothing to deserve this. Nothing.
@antsgardiner McDonalds has released a Brazilian burger. It is mostly free of pubes. Unlike their other burgers.

@TheTamari I didn’t know that guy off the “get a perm” instant kiwi ad was an all black.
@MicheleAnn_ ‘Do the goal thing! The thing where you get one!’ – Encouragement I am giving Argentina.
@spat106 The All Blacks don’t do anything shameful as biting as the only things they’re allowed to bite into are official food products of the ABs’


z-energy Winner – I choose @TomTremewan because maybe he can use the vouchers in case he leaves his fucking clue at home again.

:: Thanks Ms Punani – there’s some Z-based goodies for both you and Tom – send me your address 🙂 – Cate

An up-and-comer to love: Ryn Weaver

Ryn Weaver is a singer from New York and LA, and is actually really hard to Google stalk. What we know: Her real name is Aryn Wüthrich, she’s 21, and she’s released some other stuff on Soundcloud under the username FemFemFem.

She’s been working with my long-term favourite Michael Angelakos of Passion Pit (as well as Charli XCX – yuss!) and produced this gem which dropped on soundcloud a week ago.

Argh! So catchy!

Like her on Facebook to see what she does next.